Just Me
Monday, February 16, 2015
Blogger Traitor
I am moving over to wordpress!!! My new URL is hikariofyourworld.wordpress.com. I am not in love with this URL so it might be changed. I'll update this post if I do change it :)
The Teacher
Hello blog. Long time no see.
2 Corinthians 12:10 And He has said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness." Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. Therefore I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ's sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong.
I might me weak, but my God is strong and this is just me.
Thursday, September 25, 2014
What is Trust?
I wrote this for a Bible response paper so if you are wondering why I randomly talk about things it's because I needed to include it. It's all over the place but I figured I'd share.
Bondage is like a prison. It cuts you off from what you love and sometimes we put our selves there. Bondage feeds on our fears. And fear and trust can not co-exist. When fear get’s into our hearts Satan delights because we’ve opened the door to the enemy. But how can you have bondage AND trust God. It’s like oil and water. The two will never mix. Fear and bondage create a gap between God and His children. The gap can only be filled with Jesus Christ, our way.
So who do I trust? I trust God and all His power. I trust my sister, best friend, my mother, and to be honest anyone who loves Jesus and has faith in His power to free people. Although for an extremely long time I don’t think I trusted anyone.
I hate to say it, but I don’t think I trusted God for a very long time. I don’t even think I grasped what trust was. I think trust comes when we love and the only way to truly grasp love is to surrender who we are for Christ and accept His love. I grew up knowing Jesus was my Savior and I never doubted the eternity. For this I am so grateful. But instead of looking at Him and having faith and wholeheartedly trusting Him, I trusted the bondage. I believed that no matter what I would always be broken. I had my eyes set on my broken pieces and I tried picking them up on my own. My intent was to show them to God as if to say, “I am broken, help I can’t do it anymore by myself.” But when I used my own will to pick up the pieces I always cut myself and I was at angry at God for letting this happen. When all it took was for me to ask the Holy One to pick up my pieces. And you know what? He already did. On the cross Jesus already won the victory and in Him I am victorious. I just have to trust in that Victory and set my eyes upon Him.
That’s what true trust is to me. It’s saying I am too weak and I put my trust in you and everything is in your hands. It’s denying ourselves and giving Him true control. It’s living for His will and it’s tuning into His will. But trust is a daily thing. Our salvation is a done deal, but Christianity is a journey and a relationship that grows. Denying ourselves everyday and living in humility isn’t always easy. In fact it can be a struggle. But trust is like a clay. At first, the clay isn’t very malleable. It takes effort to get it to the point where something beautiful can be created. There may be parts that take more time to knead through. There might be mountain high or valley low moments, but the greatest news of all is that it is finished. God sent His son so we could have a relationship with Him filled with trust and love.
When I tried to think who had trust in God in the Bible I thought of David. Can you imagine taking stones as your weapon against a giant? If David could not kill Goliath he would put make God’s people into slaves. Talk about pressure. But David had faith in the God who provided. David had trust that the stone would hit the right spot on Goliath’s forehead. I mean David had to really believe. He had to face looking at this literal giant with armor and weapons of splendor and just think well sucks for you because I have the Great I AM on my side. There is no one more worthy for our commitment and trust than our Savior is. His faithfulness endures forever.
If you managed to get through that wow good job and this is just rambling me.
Bondage is like a prison. It cuts you off from what you love and sometimes we put our selves there. Bondage feeds on our fears. And fear and trust can not co-exist. When fear get’s into our hearts Satan delights because we’ve opened the door to the enemy. But how can you have bondage AND trust God. It’s like oil and water. The two will never mix. Fear and bondage create a gap between God and His children. The gap can only be filled with Jesus Christ, our way.
If you managed to get through that wow good job and this is just rambling me.
Sunday, September 21, 2014
Stressed but Blessed
I am so happy.
Saturday, September 6, 2014
Living for His Will
So I am at McDonalds eating french fries and writing this post. Two weeks of school have passed and I have been in Japan for three months. Last night I talked to my mom about school and after wards it just kind of hit me how easy it was to talk to her. As much as my sister and I make fun of my mom that she doesn’t listen and the words, “Mommy listen!!!” and “I’m listening” have been said countless times at our household she does listen. I talked about my day and when God came He just did. It isn’t that my grandmother doesn’t listen, but it is just different.
In English, we were given an assignment to tell a story about a “water-shed moment”, something that has impacted us and has brought us to where we are. The teacher elaborated on different type of possible stories and you know what every explanation led my thoughts to? My Restoration Story, the story that I have been freely writing about here on this blog. I am not ashamed of who I was. I used to be, but that’s the thing about the blood of Jesus. He washes away those bondages when we surrender. So my hesitation with sharing my struggle of depression and suicide rooted at the fact that some people will always do the “I am so sorry you had to go through that..” thing. I mean yes it was terrible, but notice the was. In every physical aspect, I feel alone here. I don’t have my support system. I can’t always express myself. I do get overwhelmed and I miss my family. If I was still depressed here in Japan I would be the easiest target for the devil. Although, I do think most of the people reading this are aware that there is nothing to be “sorry” about or to feel “awh, poor thing”, but I just wanted to say have a little more faith in His power. Don’t you see what He did in my life is incredible? He rescued me for His glory. So instead of feeling bad for me, Rejoice the Lord! My depression will never come back and yes I used the forbidden never because with the Creator of the Universe always and never can be backed up by Truth. So I didn’t want to share in front of people that might focus on the past more than the freedom. But I also didn’t really want to share my restoration in a devotion with my family and that was crucial to my freedom. So I decided to pray.
I felt peace into deciding that I would choose a different time to share my story. Instead I chose to share a story I have been wanting to document on this blog. I am a junior and when I started High School I was faced with a lot of questions I had no answers to. I honestly think there is some Adult Rule Book 101 that says once a teenager is in High School you should pester them with question about their future. What do you want to do? Do you know your major? Do you have any colleges you’re thinking about? I didn’t have a clue. All I knew was that ever since I was a little girl I wanted to be a mother. I could spend hours by myself playing with my stuffed animals who played the part of baby and I the mother. And all in all I still want to be a mother and play the part of the house-wife. I am a walking feminists worst nightmare. But about a year and a half ago (possibly more I actually am not sure) I met three little girls who have become unforgettable in my life. These girls were rescued from the foster care system and I had the honor to spend time with them. I found myself heart broken. I didn’t see vibrant little girls that loved effortlessly. I saw girls that had been hurt and were forced to be mature and cautious. Two of the girls were two and one was just 7 months old. Despite all their pain and circumstance with a little effort to build trust these girls showed love and innocence that should have come first nature to them. Children should be brought into this world cherished and loved. They need someone to tell them that they have a purpose and they are fearfully and wonderfully made. These girls were sweet and bright and the system failed them. They were sent to back to a family member and back to the same environment that had hurt them so. I lost hope in this system that was supposed to give a voice to the voiceless to stand up for the innocent. I was angry and frustrated. Who was really going to stand up and represent the voice of the innocent that gets so easily lost in the stacks of laws and regulations that don’t seem to do what’s in the best interest for the child. So who? It is so blatantly obvious that it seems to pass us. The Church should. (I heard another lady speak on this issue and she brought this point to me.) The church has to stand for the voiceless. Only we know truth and have a God who has the power to break bondages and bring restoration to families. So it is with this that I have become sure of my passion as well as my purpose. I want to give a voice to the voiceless but I want to do so with the Holy name of Jesus by my side. As I am here in Japan and I see the brokenness of families I so desperately want to do something. There are still many things I don’t know. I don’t know what to major or where I will work. But I know one thing. God’s will will be done. And my only prayer can be is to be still and tune into His voice so I would know His will.
God is always good and this is just me.
God is always good and this is just me.
Wednesday, August 6, 2014
A solid Answer
We (Christians) know darkness only because
we have His light to show us the difference but if you are just in darkness and
don't know the light at all then you are unaware of your hopelessness. I was in
a very dark pit, but I am here simply because I knew there was Light and that
it saves. I am so grateful of His way and His plan for us. I would like to say
I am nothing but happiness and rainbows here… But that just wouldn’t be true. I
just get overwhelmed here and see in a normal conversation with my mom or
sister God coming up is normal stuff. But here? Man, it’s a different story. It
isn’t even me trying to share the Gospel it’s just normal conversation and my
response to whatever is being discussed. But He comes up a lot and then I worry
how to say it and how to express myself and then I am like oh no what even is
Japanese? How do you speak that thingy. But I always come back to His peace and
I am in awe of how just really great He is. Because you have no idea how so SO
SO many situations here are just the PERFECT opportunity for Satan to lure me
into a pit I knew for so long. Like the second I get an itsy bit of sadness I
just think good thing God restored you because wow that’d be bad if you were
still in bondage. I don’t think the enemy actually goes around and does
things that bother me and tries to do it all in one day, but when life things
happen Satan is ready to bring fear and for us to invite it in. But the thing
that almost cracks me up is all this restlessness actually results in me just
wanting to praise God even more.
If
this happened in the U.S. and I was having a conversation with my mother God
and the eternity He has given us would come up instantly. But I just sat there and
I didn’t know how to respond because I have an answer of what happens after
death and that’s all this young girl wanted. This girl comes from an elite
educated family and that holds great weight here. So I think the question
everyone is asking is how could a girl from such a “good” family become so
lost. And the only answer I can conjure is that she was seeking, but no one had
answers for her. No one could stand firm on a rock and say, someone made a way
for you so that you could know the father and worship with Him for all of your
days. The assurance eternity grants is incomprehensible. This girl to me kind
of shows the cry of the lost here. There isn’t even a different god that people
cling to. No one knows and the answers vary from each individual. “You become a
star.” “You don’t know until you get there.” “I don’t know.” And you know none
of those answers are satisfying. There is one answer and one way. The fact I
know the Truth is a blessing and miracle in itself. I believe that when my mom
became a believer she broke the curse on my family here that ensured death. God
is stirring and I hold onto the word every in Philippians 2:9-11
Therefore God exalted him to the
highest place
and gave him the name that is above every name,
that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow,
in heaven and on earth and under the earth,
and every tongue acknowledge that Jesus Christ is Lord,
to the glory of God the Father.
and gave him the name that is above every name,
that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow,
in heaven and on earth and under the earth,
and every tongue acknowledge that Jesus Christ is Lord,
to the glory of God the Father.
God said every so I will believe
when He said every. He is to be glorified and so I will glorify Him.
School starts in 20 days and for the
first time since ever I am excited because being extra bum than I usually am in
summer is getting old and this is just
me.
Saturday, July 12, 2014
There is Nothing like Jesus Peace!
GOD is good.
I just got off skype with my mom and whew I feel filled with peace that can only come from my Saviour. We prayed and I was just blown away (yet again) by this connection that God gives us. I mean here I am in a different country, yet through the unity that we serve under one God I am so connected! Praying alone is important to me, but praying in numbers brings the Holy Spirit in a hurry.
"For where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I among them.” Matthew 18:20
I just feel so peaceful right now after certain events brought my soul, that was led to still waters, to a wave pool. It blows my mind that together my mother and I can pray together where the Lord is and He brings peace that makes me want to dance. It's almost as if He is saying, I am far bigger than any ocean or time zone and where you call upon me I will come. What a peace that gives me. And I just feel so peaceful and I know you shouldn't use a word over and over in writing, but all I can say is I have peace and it is from my God.
When I called my mom, I was agitated and I just felt unsettled and it felt like someone threw a big ole' rock into my calm waters and the sand had not settled quite just yet. But whew, isn't it amazing that calling upon our Father brings our unrest to rest. And now my water is clearer than the beaches of Hawaii or even Jamaica.
It is in storms that I have to remind myself that His boat is unsinkable. And if I just go to His boat when the waves began to be more than I can handle I will be in victory. It is easier said than done. This makes me think back to Peter in Matthew 14:22-33. In verse 30, Peter begins to go to Jesus "but when [Peter] saw that the wind was boisterous, he was afraid". And he cried out for Jesus to save him. It continues, to say that Jesus immediately took out His hand and saved Peter. And then in the oh so famous red, Jesus says, "O you of little faith, why did you doubt?" So in the physical print this is about Peter, but as we know the living book isn't stopped my the mere physical realm. And this isn't just Peter, it is myself as well.
Jesus is so faithful. I mean the crazy thing to me is He came to earth as a man. A MAN people!!!! Despite how unfaithful I can become, He immediately saves me. It blows my mind that He was faithful when He was a man and just like wow He is perfect and He faced every temptation and struggle we did and not as a God as a man. But He remained white as snow and then He seperated himself from the Father for me (us). And sometimes I am faithful, but I can't say I am faithful as His grace. It brings the same question Jesus asked to Peter to my mind. But why oh self would you doubt when you know He is the only sure thing. My only solution is doubt comes the moment I lose my all consuming fear of the Lord. It takes a moment to let fear inside. The enemy can't come in unless we welcome it. It's interesting that the wind that occured in the flesh was what brought fear to Peter. Unlike God, the enemy has no depth and Satan's power can only first attack the physical body.
This brings once again the forever occuring message that we must set our eyes upon Him and eat His bread and drink His living water.
I am awe of Jesus and the peace He only can give is indescribable and this is just me.
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